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The Measure of One



The Measure of One
By traceofashadow on 12/28/2011
Viewed: 216
Reviews: 4
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the silence pressed into my soul
etching its sorrow filled mark upon my heart
it was worse than any noise
more painful
more lasting
the fear
the loneliness
the hollow throbbing of my heart
aching
aching
searching for something
for someone
to last
to live
to love
but my call goes unanswered
unheard
and i am left to myself
my last
dwindling
friend

there was a beauty to the silence
a sadistic beauty
only to be enjoyed by those
who thrive and sustain themselves
through the essence of pain
and horror
the silence was a symphony of fear
a concerto of anger
passion
and guilt
composed from the terror
only felt by those who
have lived past that of endurance
who have broken in two
but
somehow
someone
patched up their wounds
forcing them onwards
in a battle that they had already lost

the beauty of the silence
was in its perfection
its most elegantly constructed
torture

it was the song that sung me
into the sleep
that i had no chance of
escaping
no matter how firm
my resolve
it was the song that woke me
a lurking anguish that hid
behind the faade of comfort
warmth
and safety
i knew too well what this horror was but
somehow
i could not stop myself from hoping
that this time
this time
there would be a happy ending

i gazed at the ceiling in all hopes
that somewhere
there was some god
some divine intervener
who would look down on my wretched form
with any small ounce of pity
and forgive me

but
if there was pity in this world
it was not meant for me

i was meant for this life
of empty silence
this meaningless trap of
time and
infinity

seconds stretched into minutes
and minutes back into seconds
the meaning of time
no longer existed
and so my life
faded away into a
moment of nothing
almost as if
it had crawled into a corner
tightening itself into a ball
shying away from mine own presence

silence and darkness
were the only form of love i knew
the only form
that i could contemplate
within these bowels
of eternal damnation
they laughed at me
taunted me
their quiet sneers
haunted my dreams
both waking and asleep
i was unable to fend off their abuse
to save myself
from their crushing embrace
that wrapped itself around me
like a snake
ready for the kill

only this kill
would not take my life
but be my salvation

i had been thieved of what made me human
my passion
my anger
my hope
without that
who was i
i was a form
a shadow
a disgrace
thoughts were meaningless
worthless
empty
thoughts feelings and actions
were all but lies
a fools ideas
they were a delusion
something that one could only hope for
grasp at
and falter just inches from victory

fear was an infestation in my mind
like the seed of a weed
that has wormed its way into my mind
firmly spreading its roots
and though i tried to pull them away
to discard the unwanted blemish
they sprouted up
again
and again
scalding my single wish
to give up
i could not surrender myself
to nothing
with those inklings of pure terror
groping through my memories
contaminating my present

this fear became my life
my world
my everything

every moment was fear
every thought was terror
it surrounded me
embracing me
controlling me

the world that i once knew
with its sunny skies and wispy clouds
disappeared into a wave of
beautiful
breathless
fear

the fear drove me onwards
beckoning me
calling me
it was the wall that never let me cross
into insanity
never let me give up
i clung to fear because it assured me
that i was still human
though i knew not why
i still wished to be
there was some need
deep inside me
that begged me to allow it
to hold on to the only truth that
it had ever known
the truth that it was
and still could be
human

and so i buried myself in fear
forgetting time
forgetting light
forgetting everything
and everyone


All we are is but a trace of a shadow

By traceofashadow On 12/28/2011 5:34:30 PM
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