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when a woman holds on



when a woman holds on
By rosaanaid on 02/22/2014
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When did they become two complete strangers living under the same roof; while one secretly hopes that the strangeness ends, the other secretly wants for it to remain like so, hoping it will ease the transition, waiting for her to leave. How could she let this confidence put her guard down. But we all know that once something good happens, it only last for so long. I guess this time is up. The pain inside of her is a feeling that not even anesthesia can redeem. She doesnt want this time to end, and holds with the tips of her fingers, stretching every inch, hoping she can get a little bit more grip. An inch of grip is an inch of hope that keeps her alive in the game. A game that she knows damn well shes losing. For she knows shes no longer the only one. An extra space has become available in his heart to come and sweep him off his feet.
She used to be this strong, beautiful woman, his only one. And know shes just a woman in his house who he hopes keeps him off his feet. She sees it, she knows it, but she refuses to accept it. Nothing is the same anymore. When she was with him it felt like they were shooting stars, soaring freely through the sky, diving in the light of love. But one day they crashed onto the ground; now she stays up, gazing at the stars, remembering what use to be. She lives in a world that she refuses to let go off. She relives every moment and smiles at such love and happiness that she used to feel when he would talk to her, message her, hold her, kiss her. She used to be his beautiful woman. She used to be his babe. She used to be his amor. She used to be his shoulder to cry on. She used to be his only one. Now she just has beautiful eyes. She is just his friend. She is just rose. She is just company. She has become an option. He used to be happy to see her, his eyes would sparkle, his smile was inevitable, his hugs would become eternal and his kisses would express his passion. Now shes lucky if he hugs her to even say hello. Their kisses have become a routine, a mimic, and expectation. They no longer are random, long, meaningful, an act of desire. She lays upon him, but no longer is responded to, only tolerated.
Hes become cold and has transformed his words into his weapon. Words that have caused pain. Pain that have become wounds of insecurities, questions, doubts: all which knock her hope and confirmed to her everyday that shes slowly losing the game. She used to feel beautiful, wanted, desired, and now shes become a pitiful woman who begs and hopes to the lord to guide her and give her the strength to keep the promise that she made with her heart at hand. She keeps herself alive by holding on to every happy second shes able to get. When he hugs her, she breaths in his aroma, and gets in sync with the palpitations of his heart: all memories that she replays over and over, for she does not know when shell get a chance again. When he kisses her, she blocks all her senses except her touching sense. She wants to keep that feeling vivid in her mind and body, to keep her heart pumping. I almost feel sorry for this woman and question why does she stay when shes getting little to nothing, but I dont think she can explain either, for she does not understand the difference between thinking with her mind and thinking with her heart. Why is she still with someone who use to show her off to the world and now avoids it. He gives up so quick, says he doesnt care, says he doesnt know if he wants her, talks about others like he used to talk about her, hints about loving others. Has told her many times to leave. Has made her just an option, for he can quickly move on like nothing, run to others. What hurts is that she has already seen him do so. Hes found another shoulder to cry on, while she cries to herself. The only man she can trust her tears to is God, our father. He wont laugh at her, he wont take it calm, he wont think its an over reaction, he wont push them to the side, he wont just move on. He sits, and listens, and understands her. For he truly has seen passed into her feelings. He feels her pain and hugs her and tells her everything is going to be okay. That ugly day she walked in the cold weather, dropping a piece of her shattered heart with every step she took, while God walked right behind her, picking up every piece, took care of her, kept her warm. He led her to his house, where he handed her the pieces and gave her a blanket. Told her to keep her head up; talk to me, youre not alone.
Till this day, she walks with those same pieces in her hand, hoping hell one day want to glue them back, because for now he doesnt seem to have the patience or desire to do so, and this is what scares her. Thatll shell get tired of holding her hands together; because is it possible that shattered pieces can get shattered even more? the cuts in her hands think so. Oh lord she just wants to be held at night, feel protected, wake up next to him, wake up to his kisses, wake up to his smile, wake up to his love. When did everything change? Shes the one to blame. She built her own destiny to be this. Maybe she should walk away and let him be. Let someone give him the love that he longed for. Let him fall IN love, and not just love.
Theres a difference; in love: you put your body, mind and soul, see them at their best, see them at their worst, but dont give up on them. Love: you force yourself because you care for that person or are used to that person, hoping that one day youll fall in love with them.
She loves him too much to keep him in a situation where he feels trapped. Even though shes deeply in love with him she cant be selfish and think about herself. A relationship is built by two. Not much is done if one has their heart set, and the other is unsure. Shes been holding on desperately because she knows that once she lets him go, shell never be able to love anyone the same; for you see, in this lifetime you will only encounter this type of love once, and maybe he hasnt had a chance and shes been holding him back. Maybe she was a lesson for him, teaching him how a woman should and/or shouldnt act when it comes to love. Which ever of the two, shes still hopes that he learns at least one positive thing from her. If his choice were for her to leave, she would disappear so he could live only with memories and lessons learned, because when you love someone you wouldnt want to interfere with their love and happiness. You let them fly and soar back into the sky like shooting stars, diving into the night at the light of the moon, coming together, landing under the same roof no longer as strangers but as lovers. No more secretly wanting but mutual feelings acting.

? By rosaanaid On 2/22/2014 11:54:28 AM
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