I can''t remember when the pain began. It seems so long its held my heart, I wonder if it laughs at me or does it feel regret. I wonder how it decides how acute the ache will be. A name, a place...a fleeting glimpse will bring it crushing down. I wonder how it rationalize the misery and despair. I know one day, they say, I''ll reach the road to free and once more I''ll garner the suit of gaiety, an unbeliever now Who will never wear it well.