|Global Warming couldnt melt my glaciers
By Sincerelycass101 on 03/23/2011
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What is worse than suffering?
What is more painful than pain itself?
My heart knows neither answer to either question.
What my heart does know is loneliness.
My heart knows anguish, hopelessness, and worthlessness.
It is as recognizable as a missed friend.
However I do not miss this friend.
This friend is as unwelcome as a wolf in the lions den.
But still you are here with me.
When I wake in the morn it is with no hope in my heart.
It is with no great plan, no purpose besides continued living.
In fact it is a reminder that I do still live and have been offered no escape.
No escape from this bleakness.
At breakfast I dine alone, the chair next to me empty as usual.
A quick glance in the mirror.
My reflection doesn’t look to pretty.
My eyes show me nothing but despair.
Lips barely form to make a smile.
I do not recognize this person any longer.
Step out into the world.
Faces amongst faces.
Bodies moving in a hustle and bustle rushing off to somewhere.
I drift this way and that no clear destination in mind.
If I were swimming I would drown due to the amount of weight in which I carry.
Titanic’s aren’t all that sink in this lifetime.
I retire to my home.
Back in the dark, no do not turn on the lights.
What do I need to see?
Nothing besides my eyelids.
The dreams begin.
I am in love.
She dances with me.
We dine together her eyes smoldering into my own.
Such love in her expression, happiness, smiles, bliss.
Oh what fun I am having.
This must be too good to be true.
And so it is.
Morning time, flash of sunlight.
Cold sweat on my shirt.
A return to my mundane reality.
My unwelcome friend returns.
Spring, summer, fall, and winter aren’t all that goes through a cycle it would seem.
But why am I frozen in December?
Without warmth I surely will die wont it?
It is as if my life is stuck in a paralysis.
And here I stay to endure the chilling breeze.
I am glacier like cold.
Won’t someone invite me inside?
Surely ill catch sickness out here?
I ask only for a bit of warmth, not much.
Maybe we can have a cup of hot chocolate and good conversation?
I would like that very much.
And if isn’t too much to ask would you mind holding me tight?
I forgot the warmth another human could offer.
It is rather pleasant.
It reminds me of being loved.
But here I know hate only.
I know only despair.
My tears turn into ice as they run down my face.
Even my soul weeps.
December it is you and I until the end and that may be soon.
I believe this paralysis has bested me.
If my body should be found dead in the snow arms, and legs outstretched.
My face finally at peace with an understanding look upon it.
Mark that as my grave, I have finally reached peace.
© By Sincerelycass101 On 3/23/2011 6:09:02 PM