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My Story

My Story
By 3JesusFreak3 on 11/25/2013
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One night I was hangin.
10 feet from the ceilin, danglin.
Arms and feet, desperately mangled.
In desperation, shrieks of terror I was makin.
Danglin those 10 feet, from a rope.
Every part of my body, void of hope.
Ready to give it all up.
For white powder in a plastic baggy and one red solo cup.
I'd been searchin for identity.
My purpose. Destiny.
In the bottom of a bottle.
Screamin "pull the throttle".
So I could run away.
From the beauty in me He had made.
His masterpiece. Aristotle.
Never at peace, so I just grab another bottle.

Souveneirs of these "great nights", livin the "fast life".
Bottle caps and unidentified bruises.
Battles raps and conspicuous ruses.
My "glorious memories". Simply blurry nights and malicious recipes.
2 cups sugar. 3 cups booze.
1 cup of lust, add a sprinkle of danger, my integrity I would lose.
Beauty turns to dust.
And art turns to ashes.
Burn the lovely creation, somebody pass the matches.
Light er up. And watch the self destruction.
As we destroy ourselves. Mass eruption.
Valcano blast. Pull the trigger back fast.
Backlash. As I make a mad dash. As I run.
Run from my Creator, cuz I just burned His own creation.
By destroying myself, I committed the ultimate desecration.
Cold shoulder to the Creator, the Artist.
I gotta go. Say my deuces to Van Gho.

N now we're back to the beginnin.
Where I'm stuck, drownin in all my sinnin.
It's the night I was hangin.
10 feet from the ceiling, danglin.
10 feet of rope, but not one inch of hope.
Instead it was 6 feet of shame, 1 foot of depression.
2 feet of filling empty voids, and another foot of obsession.
Obsessin with impressin.
The homies and the bros.
Make em think I was dope.
By chuggin up n spittin flows.

Searching for acceptance, a place to belong.
Too shameful for repentance, I've been a sinner far too long!
To ever be "pure" or "holy", naw that church scene aint for me!
They all full a balony!
Think they're better than me!
THey judge and they ridicule me!
Atop their religious mount, "for I am dained holier than thee"

And as I'm hangin, 10 feet from the ceilin, danglin.
I hear a whisper, sweet and endearing.
What is this insanity I am hearing?
Must be losin it, I guess it's really time to go.
Pull the knot tighter, and time to let go.
Close my eyes.. three.. two..

"Emily." Eyes pop open. Wantin to end it, yet desperately hopin.
Who said that? Did hope call my name?
Is this a trap? Am I goin insane?
But it felt so REAL.
A voice the pain around me cannot conceal.
Voice, please reveal. Yourself to me.
I've been searchin for answers, a cure to this nasty cancer.
Oh, what can this be?

Again, whispers of mystery.
"Emily. You are my daughter.
No longer must you wander."
Looking around, frantically confused.
The voice tells me that I am worth more.
Than nights filled with lust and drug abuse.
That He never kept score?
That I can be forgiven, wiped pure and clean..
I was never truly livin, now He'll show me what livin truly means?

That night I chose LIFE.
I lay down the knife, decided to change my whole life.
And to this day, I have never been the same.
Forever changed, healed of my chronic pain.
Now, whether Jesus truly exists, whether the voice was real.
Whether it's worth the risk, or if I'm just crazy n livin in the surreal.
Whether getting to know your personal father is worth the ride.
Is a question for you to ask, it's for YOU to decide.

? By 3JesusFreak3 On 11/25/2013 3:27:29 AM
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