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I Have Something Very Sad To Tell You



I Have Something Very Sad To Tell You
By Rebecula on 09/22/2015
Viewed: 159
Reviews: 3
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I will never forget that night
Chilly, mid-spring rain
Just enough to turn the misters on
She was calling again
I was in the habit of ignoring calls from her
I answered because I felt I had to
She said: I have something very sad to tell you
As if sad could even begin to describe what she had to tell me
As if sad could even be considered a warning light to what lie ahead
Her voice wavered, I could feel her lips quiver through the phone pressed to my cheek
She told me he was gone, actually dead is how she put it.
Then she excused herself.
I haven't seen that phone since.
I kept thinking, she has it wrong. He's not dead.
He's invincible, he's proven it.
She has the wrong name. She's mistaken, she's wrong.
He's dead. Suicide they called it.
His choice they called it.
Further investigation left so many doors open
Opening all at once.
Leading into darkness and questions
That to this day are unanswered.
She told me not to dwell
That grief can be overcome.
As if grieving is what I was doing
As if this planet I'm living on is grief
Grief isn't even something I was capable of.
I went through stage 1 just fine.
Denial. Multiple hours praying they IDed the wrong body.
That I would get a phone call, he's alive.
Breathing, walking talking. He wants his car back.
I hit anger like a truck.
Balled my fists, shook them at innocent bystanders, pictures of him and God.
The fault was on everyone's shoulders.
Because he was gone I was slipping away.
It all kept coming back to "I have something very sad to tell you"
I began to resent the messenger.
Refused to speak to anyone who knew him.
Offered my own life to save his
Gained an interest in social work
If I can save you I can save him!
Could've been my slogan, I can see it painted on a bus bench.
As if saving anyone was something I wanted to do.
As if saving anyone would ease the pain I was living with.
Spent hours looking at the proof.
Listened to people say be grateful it was him and not you.
Told myself it had to end this way
That some people just can't handle change.
Then I learned forgiveness.
That the last thing he would ever want from me is blame.
I thought I would never reach acceptance...

I will never forget that night
The night closure came
Throwing itself at me in the form of a pen
I stared at the blank sheet of paper and said
I have something very sad to tell you.

? By Rebecula On 9/22/2015 1:49:23 AM
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