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ms finch's journal \

always searching

always searching
By ms finch on 06/04/2005
Viewed: 729
Reviews: 6

he's 4 years old
he wants to change his name to

"i like my friends"

it's true / such a miserable day for mothering

the 7 year old sent home for punching because a girl
budded in front of him in the line and then pushed him to the ground

yeah it sucks / it's the second time this week
thank fuck the week is over

& so i tumble back in to a friday nite
& i remember

i left my cigarettes in the rain today

some stayed dry / some soaked brown

iris blooms / deep purple / pale yellow
some a combination of both colours

& my mind stays confused on a day
like today when lay my head down
sun cusped on the east mountain
& i could hear the morning birds

calling me / time to sleep
& there is some thing

about being awake all night

& after you make love he gets up
leaves silent / no good bye
no thank you / he goes to watch tv

& i sleep until 11 in the empty bed

some where between the sun falling
& me rising / i fell apart / for got where i stood


& yea / i walk through the valley of darkness

i fear / my own evil

what are these stories i tell my self / my myth

some where i for got to be happy

is it really so bad

ash tray over flows

& i am walking through a cloud again

a fog / as it were /

yesterday / sun sparkled diamonds on the wet
leaves of the poplar / wind struck / fairies

he runs his hand down my thigh / never says a word

& some where between talking too much / & gasping for breath
i for got how to talk / words lodged in my throat / sticky
i wanted to say i love you / i wanted to say / make love

hand runs across hip bone / mouth to breast

& i think of round river rocks / eternally tumbled

& how they end up in my garden

phone rings a million times / / & we are tired again

gideon taps me on the shoulder / laughs

you really did it this time

what were you searching for again

i turn & he is gone / really only an image in my head
the black voice of reason & in sanity / oh yes / we've walked
many times before

up stairs / children sleep / & i wonder what it must be like to sleep
the sleep of the growing

& june lands

fast furious lush

the garden

a tangle of / a mass of / oh green / it's green

& for that i am grateful / i've come round the sun again

but i don't know how i got here

broken / bitten bottom lip
stained purple bruise

the tongue licks the bottom lip
over & over & over again

some thing about a little bit of pain

& yes / these words i use are simple / it doesn't take much
to realize / sitting on the verge / caught between the shore line
& never ending waves / / i wish to be swept out to sea /

& so / i search


© By ms finch On 6/4/2005 3:01:48 AM
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