It's 3:54Am I feel it in my chest I feel myself shake Ache I run my hands through my hair over and over with sweaty palms
Your my weakness my gut wrenches butterflies or knives I couldn't tell you
I squirm I itch I tweak
3:57AM It's been two years They say you do things you shouldn't when your drunk but it always seem I do the worst when I'm sober.. I refresh I refresh I refresh I refresh I fucking refresh
What was I thinking.. I clench and unclench my fists I hate you no I hate you so fucking much no I feel nauseous I don't even miss you I love you NO. Stop stop stop stop stop STOP.
4:02AM I just wanted to see how you were doing that's it. It's been two years It's been two years... Why did I click send I'm strong I'm strong I've been so strong I used the pain you gave me as strength and I made myself strong so why did I click send. Why now. The amount of times I've gone through your pictures over and over and over
And I never gave in... Pins and needles You give me pins and needles A sensation so strong that comes on so sudden after sitting on something for too long A sensation where you can't move a muscle for the first couple of minutes without falling. You give me pins and needles your my sensation I can't move but I reach.. I'm falling. Go away get away GO AWAY your not welcome here.
4:16AM I close my eyes I remember to breathe you knock the wind out of me BREATHE in and out in and out with my head in my hands my hands... I have your fucking initials tattooed in a heart on my hand I couldn't forget you even if I wanted to because every time I start to see a future with another man I see your initials in the place where a ring would be. I catch myself rubbing the ink I do this subconciously everyday it's become a habit I guess some part of me hopes if I rub it enough it will fade away but it doesn't and it hasn't and neither will you.
4:26AM You leave a bad taste in my mouth "Hope you're well" I can't believe I said I hope you're well. You ruined me no You built me no You tore me down NO I tore myself down trying to build you up I let my own life fall apart tring to fix yours You chose the drugs over me.
You built me
You showed me what it is to love someone more than you love yourself I will never do that again.
You built me
But hear me now You did not make me. You are the mere foundation beneath me. A constant reminder of what killed me. You keep me rooted. The thought of what you did to me keeps me steady on the path to never feeling that degree of pain again. I am loving myself because of you the hardest thing I've ever had to do was break my own heart in order to walk away from you. I am loving loving myself I am making it I am loving myself But I will never forgive you